OUR CHILD RAISING MANIFESTO

• • Avoid asking them questions that they can’t really answer (example, “do you want to go to the park?”, “do you want something to eat?”, “do you want to put on your jacket?” …this usually leads to frustration and crying because they don’t know how to process logic and evaluate situations)

• • Maintain their daily rhythm… repetition gives them comfort (nap at the same time, do the same activity in the morning, after nap, etc.)

• • Let them struggle through challenges, sometimes they may have to cry a little to get through (example, walking up steps, don’t pick them up at each step, let them carry their own weight, or when Sawyer was stuck up on the coffee table, I let him struggle to get down himself. This will help them build self confidence)

• • When they need emotional attention or comfort, give it to them as quickly as possible (without doing this, they may require more as a result)

• • Do not introduce resistance (emotional, physical, psychological), otherwise they will naturally strive for balance through opposition… but at the same time, don’t let them push you over and get their way, they will continue to exploit your weakness 😉 (For example if they want to play with something sharp…. Be firm and repeat your goal without wavering. Use the words “Not for Maya” and slowly, but calmly wrap your hands around the object while you repeat “not for Maya” without using force.) Thanks Joan for the advice!

• • As adult role models, NEVER show emotions such as anger, frustration, fear, sadness, etc. (They may have a tantrum or get emotional, but you must ALWAYS STAY UNDER CONTROL even during crisis. They will learn to manage their emotions better this way). BTW, this is the distinctive factor between highly successful people in life, they are capable of dealing with high stress situations without losing it. They always find their way to positions of leadership (CEOs, etc.).

• • If they get emotional, take them out into nature and let the world around them catch their attention (they generally have short attention spans, and nature calms them easily)

• • They learn by examples… Be a perfect role model. Do NOT ever lie to them through your words OR YOUR ACTIONS, such as by hiding things from them or trying to deceive them, trick them, bribe them, etc. (you may think you’re outsmarting them, but you’re just teaching them to do more of the same). Just be upfront and let them deal with the frustration.

• • Always give them more credit than you think. (they are already more intelligent than they appear, and probably you too Mom and Dad, they just don’t have the words to express it)

• • Never let them play with your iPhone or electronics even for a little bit. Once they get a taste of it, they will fixate on it and make it harder to say “no” the next time. (be firm while setting and keeping your rules)

• • Set rules and DO NOT break them (if you break the rules EVEN ONCE, they will not respect them) For the same reason, YOU don’t create rules if you can’t keep them.

• • • ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS! DO WHAT YOU SAY because your words have meaning ONLY when you do what you say (for example if you don’t want them to drink Coke, don’t drink Coke yourself, if you say you are going to do something, at all costs, do it)
  • .…Likewise, when THEY say something, listen to them. (if you truly listen to them, not just with their words, you can almost always figure out what they are trying to say).